A follow up of sorts on my last post....
I realize, that some of life is our perspective and what we put our HOPE in.
I had a wonderful chat with an amazing woman (and sister), also known as Auntie Amby.
I'm gonna jump ahead to a conversation w/ my mom and then back to Aunti Amby.
My mom said something that impacted me, those things that just are like a 'key' and help you process and let go. She said, "It's ok to grieve....for what you've felt you've lost, but Colby is still the same person, and you can make the choice to enjoy who he has always been." {This is how I heard and processed what she said....and so thankful to make a switch in my emotions and thinking}. I realized I was grieving, feeling overwhelmed, unsure if I was doing anything right in the past or now, what would I do in the future? As I let go of my expectations of what I thought, and I realized that my Colby is my Colby, he hasn't changed. I am going to enjoy every moment and not second guess myself, God made me his Mom for a purpose and a plan and for this time of his life. I am his, and he is mine.
Ok, back to my lovely sister, Auntie Amby (Colby nicknamed her this, and I don't think she wants him to change it) - She is a lover and a loyal sis. As she was baking her pumpkin bread, because she felt she was supposed to. Laura {one of my other sisters, yes, I have 7, and is amazing, she knows how to be weak and strong all in the same moment}was over for the evening, and when Amber found out she needed it for Laura's daughter's (our niece) school day, she understood why she'd been prompted, not that it would ever be bad to bake and eat pumpkin bread!
I had fun listening to Amber, and then we began talking about all the past few days of developmental testing for Colby. Amber loves him so much, she actually loves all his mimicking and echoing. They call it something else, it's actually pretty and sounds like a girl's name. Amber began to speak love and truth - at least that's what I heard - and told me how she and her roomies (who are like my sisters) are looking for creative ways to play w/colby so they too can be a part of connecting and loving him. The support is amazing. She reminded me that we had all helped in Michele's life (one of my other sisters, who became deaf at 10 months old), and that Michele is not a 'deaf' person because of all the love and relationship and teaching we all did together. She also said that I was going to have fun (she's beginning to prophesy and a girl needs that when she's feeling down and unsure).....that I would enjoy and learn from God how to teach, play and work w/ Colby. I felt a peace and assurance as we continued to talk and finally could quit crying....it's been a long day of spontaneous tears from me. {Pause, babies are awake now}
{Ok, they are eating their wheat free waffles, happily} I felt so loved by my sister, Amber and ready to face the day (well, the night and I was actually out on the town, otherwise known as going to the grocery store). As I shopped, and enjoyed my outing, my mom called to see how Adam, Colby and I were all doing with the progress of testing so far. Colby seems so good after the testing, he loves the one on one, but the day after was harder because he wanted only that, and no individual play or group play. Adam, still processing....but so far, I think, we are on the same page. One of the possibilities for occupational and speech therapy are a special education preshcool, where he could possibly go 5 days a week. My goal in all of this is to get my hands on tools, teach myself, whatever I can do to work w/ Colby. Adam and I have both felt that Colby being gone 5 days a week is not what we want. We may settle for letting him go 2 days for some therapy time and that way I can have some special time with Kyle and Ryan, too. We will see.....it's all in the beginning. (I have a feeling his special nutrition needs are important in all of this, and that some of this may be worse right now, than we first thought, but I think they [the testing gals] don't want to label him too soon.)
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