Friday, December 9, 2011

Meditating on....

Blog notes:
A letter to my close family and friends, but worthy sharing on my long over due blog writing time.
An update on Colby and the things we are learning.
I started calling ALTA, whom we used when Colby was 2 ¾ years old, to see if they could assess him again . Our concern was that he was possibly on the autism spectrum. I was feeling really overwhelmed in many areas, trying to figure out why small things are so difficult for Colby. I wanted to know where I needed to be patient and where possibly I needed to be pushing him. It’s a hard as a parent, and I’m sure we all question that we are giving enough to our children. I’d have to say through this process it’s taught me that parents really know their children best, God gave me my 3 children, He knows what He is doing, it’s helped me to start having more faith in myself, too.
I’ve kept most of you up to date, but it’s taken a while to finish assessments through the school district, and we aren’t finished yet. They recently assessed his speech and language and he was just a point off of qualifying for services, good, but he has to qualify to have the school district consider an Occupational Therapist assessing him and possibly receiving services. The speech therapist said that she was making a professional decision based on his pragmatic delay (and the hope of an O.T. seeing him). So she qualified him for speech and language. She was kind enough to give me a test that the O.T. would look at, and suggested I fill it out to bring to our next meeting, which won’t happen till January due to upcoming holidays. The report we got back via ALTA, said that an O.T. is experienced with children who have Sensory Processing Disorder and can help teach skill to the children to cope, grow and my hope, if this is the route God takes us, to learn tools for us to help, also. I’ve also been trying to figure out how to help his poor muscle tone, something that we’ve been aware of since the last assessment when he was almost 3.
Each time I’ve come away from these assessments its, been difficult, my own emotions swaying this way and that. Wanting to have a direction, afraid they’d miss something, being told I was doing a great job, keep it up, but I wanted a few professionals to make sure. Each time I’m done with a test, form or assessment, I would cry. I’ve processed letting go of my own expectations, seeing where Colby stands based on tests, fears I’ll fail him, and realizing again and again, how God sees my son, learning to TRUST God. I (think) that I’m trusting God either way now….knowing which ever route He takes us is best.
One of the main reasons, besides to update you where we are at in all this….is the things that have been coming to mind. I keep meditating on the fact that while I was in labor with Colby, many of you had prophetic words, that he’d be a boy, that he would be a worship leader, these words I have held to seeing Colby the way God sees Him, His purpose in my son’s life. It also comforts me to know my God knows what I’m going through and He preplanned these words for me to hold onto when I couldn’t see clearly. Megan, my sister, shared a vision 2 years ago, of Colby worshiping, and an anointing on the musical notes she saw floating through the air…affecting people, the people knowing God through the worship music. Another word I hold onto waiting to see how God molds my son into His image. As I know God’s love, I begin to take off my own expectations, to trust God’s hand in Colby’s life. To let go of how I thought life would be, of what I thought was ‘normal’, and be grateful for a wonderful amazing gift of who my son is. Colby teaches me to have fun, let go, laugh, I meet new people everywhere we go, he’s so friendly! People are drawn to him and his personality. He is a gift.
Recently at a Bible study, we were reading the passage in Genesis 25:22. It’s about Rebecca going to inquire of God about her pregnancy. It sparked my heart to do the same. Have I asked God? (there were times I may have, but fear kept me from hearing). I went home that night, while laying in bed, asked God “What is it you want me to do for Colby? “ Right away, I heard, “ Play with him” and then saw a picture of Colby and I jumping on a trampoline, looking each other in the eyes. The next morning, I wanted to see if there was anything else God wanted to say. I felt God say to try singing to him. So I’m trying it when I remember. We’ve been playing more games, jumping in the living room and laughing together.
I would have to say some of my favorite times with Colby are in the car, loudly worshipping, lifting our hands, and Colby loudly praying for God to come….Colby truly has a heart to worship and I love getting to be a part of his life.
I’ll keep you up to date as we figure out what’s next. But for now, we are having fun!

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