I have decided.....

I have decided that I'd like out of survival mode. Round and round I go....and where I'm going, no one knows. {hmmm, maybe i've read too many nursery rhymes. By the way some of those are a bit intense and I don't think they are really for little children}.
Back to my thoughts and goals. I'm tired, but I need to summon the energy to push a bit more and jump this hurdle. If you've every gone rock climbing ( I did when I was in shape, a.k.a. before babies) and you have to give it a few very last pushes/lunches/reaches up....even when you have NO strength left....let me just say the noises/groans are not so lady like, but it's the very deepest of the energy you can muster. (ok, so maybe I wasn't in that great of shape..hmmm...).
I want out of survival mode with my 3 toddlers....as much as is reasonable. It's not fun at first, but it's already starting to feel better, like when you eat healthy or excersice....it becomes fun as you do it.
Step 1 = a chore chart...yes, I must confess I'd thought of it before (and when venting/talking/complaining/asking for advice from my mom) she suggested it. I resisted....I didn't want such a set regimine....I'm already tired and working a lot. I didn't want to fail if I didn't succeed. It got easier, really. I decided I needed one. Adam and I did it together....so he could see what (how hard I work) I do all day and what he can do to help after work or on the weekends w/ our extra chore chart. Of course, you can't put it all on paper, but it has helped tremendously. My kids will someday have one, I grew up with one. For now my kids help w/diapers, putting their dirty clothes away, toy pick up and being them.
This is just the beginning.....did I mention I'm making time to work out a bit....a few days a week. And since I cut out dairy and wheat in Dec (the week of Christmas, not so fun).....I'm gonna work on setting up more menus that incoporate no dairy or wheat.....
I am feeling like I'll be out of this survival mode and into enjoying life. And maybe even enjoying dishes.
My fun goals: are to spend more time being intimate w/ Jesus....just taking the time to hang. For now that's during my dishes. I decided to pick my hardest task to have my music on and worshipping....it's getting fun, dancing w/ my dishes. AND to spend more time w/ my family/friends.....succeeded at few fun playdates....and great visit at Mary's house
Ok, time to relax and clean my kitchen, but not in that order. (I'm laughing if you can hear me).

I have more on my heart....but will share some of it soon. I should add blogging to my schedule of fun!!!!

I'm back, I think

So, I'm back, I want to make time to blog (and let my dishes sit in the sink). I'm not sure my New Year's resolutions are working, really, though my goal to see the outside world a bit at a time is happening. And to someday be more organized (this part still in the works for the rest of my life). Well, w/ my hubby asleep on the couch, the kids all in bed, it feels like it's time to at least say, Hello!
We had a great Christmas w/family and more family. A New Years's, well, let's just say "What happens at the cabin, stays at the cabin." Nothing too exciting, but it was a fun year, w/me babysitting all my kids and more while the New Year came in (don't worry I had fun before that). I enjoyed being a Mom and bringing in the New Year w/my sleeping babes (and nephew/nieces/ and a little sis). 
I have lots of ideas....but do you ever find that in the A.M. they sound like a lot of work. Getting up at 6 am feels so much earlier than sleeping in until 6:50 am. Sitting on the ground w/ the kids feels so much better (in my sweats = a.k.a. p.j.'s) than doing something else, cuddling in the AM, instead of getting up. yum.

This is again, a quick post, becuase it is the New Year, so I"m gonna finish my dishes (at least start them) before bed....so I'll write again, but just wanted to say hello NEW Year!

Blogging and Asparugus

Ok, just a funny title {eating up veggies that needed to be eaten and blogging}. Just got done putting up our tree and (some) ornaments. The kids were really too small to do it, still....and so we ended up protectiong them from the onrmanets and the ornaments from them....but the tree is up. The rest of the decorating happens at night. I remember my mom doing that with our family....little ones in bed who couldn't comrehend the idea of decorating and then not touching the tree anymore after that time. Taking notes on that one.
Did I mention recently that i love my 3 toddlers, who are slowly beginning to all act 2 years old at the same time?! At least I'm in the mode of being a 'good' mommy when they are acting up. I know we have more to come....but this is my first time at it....and I get to do it x's 3.
I don't have too much to say...since I'm just trying to get my life organized {as usual} and need to get a crying napper up.
Will write more when I have more energy (just had the flu, not so fun)......and get up some pics once I actually have some to post.
Merry Christmas....and can't wait to have time to write some more....

Thankfulness

I know we are all more aware of being thankful this month, some of it is the fact that Thanksgiving is upon us, and I believe, also, that though most are affected by our slow economy, there is more gratefulness for the things that are important and the 'things' we do have.
I know my heart is stirred up at many things. Just last night, Adam and I were watching a show on twins, twins that are attached physically. I became thankful and grateful that both our boys were born healthy.
I may have chatted bout this previously. But I want to give voice to my thoughts that are rumbling inside my head. I just had this 'feeling' while I was pregnant that something was up w/Kyle, I don't know what, but to this day i feel God did something while he was still in my womb. One of my aunts prayed and said she 'heard' = Sons of Thunder! From that day on I had a peace that replaced feelings of something unknown. And for sure she was right on in hearing God's voice.....they are that! I am eager to see all of who they will be.
I am so thankful for my family, my parents, my hubby and kids, my home for my family, food always on the table (I get to make it usually, but Adam did last night, and yummy), heat for our home, clean laundry, a sandbox full of sand, and so much more!
What are you thankful for today? This month? This year?

Times are changing

And I'm not just talking about setting your clock back this Fall, which does by the way have me way off and all messed up. I mean, really my kids and crazy non-naps, but enough about things that will always be changing, as in kids and the times we live in.
I am learning to live in a Peace like no other.....to grow, stretch and be set free of my own burdens. Worrying what people think, trying to please everyone (and i mean everyone), listening to voices that are not my own, nor my Creator. But enough, I am learning to say "no". To love who God made me, to trust who God made me, to listen to the voice I know as Jesus', to have faith and trust in my God and myself, to quit putting expectations on people that are unrealistic, to love, to change, to be strong, to be firm, to be who I am and was meant to be and wow, it's so much more FUN! Life is way more exciting when you are being YOU {e.g. me being ME}. I often have taken notes of those around me who are strong and trust what they feel and believe, my sister Heather, as well as friends Mary and Krystin, among others. I feel like I see strengths sometimes I haven't grown in or chosen to make mine, and so I took notes, but now I'm writing my own book (not really unless you include this long blog)....it's a metaphor for taking charge of my life! It's nice when you can 'see' in your life things that have been brewing and growing and all of the sudden you make a few good choices and you have an awesome pile of fruit (again, not really, just a metaphor or something like that - I learn from seeing things usually).
It's fun to enjoy my new perspective on life and take life as it comes through these new 'glasses'.....you catch my drift.....
I have so much to share (or at least journal to myself here, for now and later - you may be realizing I'm a verbal processor). I'd have to say one of the best and hardest things has been living about 20-30 mins from all those I know, including family. I've been on my 'own' alone, for days on end. A husband who is so tired at the end of the day that he falls asleep on the couch most nights and weekends.....helps the picture, too. Being alone w/myself (and my 3 kids) has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Those who are extroverts probably relate, as well as those who are moms. It's the hardest most revealing job I've ever done. And I've gotten to really know myself in it all, too. Not always liking what I see, or knowing how to change, or sometimes just realizing that me is just right. I am by nature a social butterfly, I could be out every night playing w/friends, if that was 'real' life, but for me now it's loving my family and it seems that means only going out once a month or so. (Don't worry, I hope continually to go out more...but may be a few years down the road).
I think I should sign off for now, as my coffee is wearing off (from the baby shower I just got back from) and start a sewing a gift for another party tomorrow.....I'm loving this weekend already!
I have so much more to write and share, a lot is happening, but more on that at a later and less tired time.

Persective

A follow up of sorts on my last post....
I realize, that some of life is our perspective and what we put our HOPE in.
I had a wonderful chat with an amazing woman (and sister), also known as Auntie Amby.
I'm gonna jump ahead to a conversation w/ my mom and then back to Aunti Amby.
My mom said something that impacted me, those things that just are like a 'key' and help you process and let go. She said, "It's ok to grieve....for what you've felt you've lost, but Colby is still the same person, and you can make the choice to enjoy who he has always been." {This is how I heard and processed what she said....and so thankful to make a switch in my emotions and thinking}. I realized I was grieving, feeling overwhelmed, unsure if I was doing anything right in the past or now, what would I do in the future? As I let go of my expectations of what I thought, and I realized that my Colby is my Colby, he hasn't changed. I am going to enjoy every moment and not second guess myself, God made me his Mom for a purpose and a plan and for this time of his life. I am his, and he is mine.
Ok, back to my lovely sister, Auntie Amby (Colby nicknamed her this, and I don't think she wants him to change it) - She is a lover and a loyal sis. As she was baking her pumpkin bread, because she felt she was supposed to. Laura {one of my other sisters, yes, I have 7, and is amazing, she knows how to be weak and strong all in the same moment}was over for the evening, and when Amber found out she needed it for Laura's daughter's (our niece) school day, she understood why she'd been prompted, not that it would ever be bad to bake and eat pumpkin bread!
I had fun listening to Amber, and then we began talking about all the past few days of developmental testing for Colby. Amber loves him so much, she actually loves all his mimicking and echoing. They call it something else, it's actually pretty and sounds like a girl's name. Amber began to speak love and truth - at least that's what I heard - and told me how she and her roomies (who are like my sisters) are looking for creative ways to play w/colby so they too can be a part of connecting and loving him. The support is amazing. She reminded me that we had all helped in Michele's life (one of my other sisters, who became deaf at 10 months old), and that Michele is not a 'deaf' person because of all the love and relationship and teaching we all did together. She also said that I was going to have fun (she's beginning to prophesy and a girl needs that when she's feeling down and unsure).....that I would enjoy and learn from God how to teach, play and work w/ Colby. I felt a peace and assurance as we continued to talk and finally could quit crying....it's been a long day of spontaneous tears from me. {Pause, babies are awake now}
{Ok, they are eating their wheat free waffles, happily} I felt so loved by my sister, Amber and ready to face the day (well, the night and I was actually out on the town, otherwise known as going to the grocery store). As I shopped, and enjoyed my outing, my mom called to see how Adam, Colby and I were all doing with the progress of testing so far. Colby seems so good after the testing, he loves the one on one, but the day after was harder because he wanted only that, and no individual play or group play. Adam, still processing....but so far, I think, we are on the same page. One of the possibilities for occupational and speech therapy are a special education preshcool, where he could possibly go 5 days a week. My goal in all of this is to get my hands on tools, teach myself, whatever I can do to work w/ Colby. Adam and I have both felt that Colby being gone 5 days a week is not what we want. We may settle for letting him go 2 days for some therapy time and that way I can have some special time with Kyle and Ryan, too. We will see.....it's all in the beginning. (I have a feeling his special nutrition needs are important in all of this, and that some of this may be worse right now, than we first thought, but I think they [the testing gals] don't want to label him too soon.)

Now, onto a day of love, joy, and peace in loving my Jesus and enjoying my kids....oh, and some dishes from breakfast! Did I mention that I love my boys! Don't forget to let the Light shine on your perspective, today.

Testing....1, 2, 3

5,7,9,10......just thoughts after a very long and interesting day yesterday. I've not really mentioned this to many, but have started to. I've noticed for a while, that Colby is very much the copy cat, but isn't every kid....As I've observed him and his brothers....I began to question his development, was I getting through to him? Am I doing everything I can/should to help him grow and develop? Maybe it's not me? What should I do? Help?
So, we are doing some testing to see.....
And today, not sure why, after yesterday was insightful, I just am crying.....not really sure why (didn't I just say that)? I think it's many things, a humble cry to God, a resting and letting go of expectations, a loving that continues to grow for my child (all of them of course), a deeper need for God, hearing Him speak each day.....and then little things, like I'm tired, and I don't know how to do this w/Adam  (process and all), that I want to 'fight' for my kid and help him do his best anyway it takes (that's the Momma- bear....), and above all that I will stand and trust in my God. I don't understand it all.....but I have a PEACE. God keeps saying, "A plan and a Purpose" and "a Purpose and a time", so I am listening and seeking.
I read something that I enjoyed last night, relaxing and processing over a cup of tea and some yummy banana bread (from my mom-in-law, Wendy) -alone w/God. This was on my tea bag, it said, "Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth", I am going to stand strong.....I want the best for my kid. I know God gave me Colby, and that I'm his Mom for a reason. I'm blessed to get to make the decisions that will shape (some) of who he's to become....and above all I pray He grows to have a heart for our Saviour.
I am learning to fear God and know His will for my life (and my family). To trust the things God has spoken and continues to speak.
The other day I was driving w/my mom....(maybe I blogged this already), but we were trying to find a way home, and I didn't think we could do it, my mom was going off route...through crazy roads, but through our silly adventure, I learned to not fear man or authorities (unhealthy version), to trust God, even when it looks like it won't work, that we'll get there. I even heard/felt God say, He had us do this on purpose - it was a message and prophetic all in one, and something I needed to 'hear' for more of the journey ahead.

Besides this interesting journey of developmental testing and all the other stuff you do.....I am thinking today about my brother in law, Jeff Duncan. Today is would have been his 33rd birthday. Today he is celebrating with Jesus! I am so in love with Jesus today, and though sad/happy, and not understanding these tears that fall, I know there is lot God is doing in my life and others.
Above all else, choose LIFE! As my great-grandfalther would say, "I am alive in the land of the living!" Amen - so be it.

Selah....and I'll be back later.